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Louis Van Gaal Thinks Jose Mourinho's Manchester United Is Boring

The headline would suit The Onion just as well as it would a proper sports website. But no, this isn’t satire. This story is, incredibly, real: Louis Van Gaal has criticized his successor at Manchester United, Jose Mourinho, for playing too defensively. And for being too boring.

Yes, this is the same Louis Van Gaal whose Red Devils, in 2015-16, scored a whopping 49 goals. That was 16 fewer than West Ham – West Ham! – and only one more than 17th-place Sunderland.

“I always played attacking football,” Van Gaal told The Mirror on Monday.

(If you’re not rolling around laughing by now, something is wrong.)

Van Gaal continued: “The proof is that the opposition were always parking the bus. They don’t do that now because Jose Mourinho plays so defensive. … What United produce now is defensive football.”

He went on: “If you ask me how did I do at United, I will say it was my best year ever, given the circumstances I was working under.” (United finished in fifth place in his second season, after which he was sacked.)

“We played football that was quite alright. But it’s not football that is appreciated in England.” (It was possession-oriented, low-risk football, far less entertaining than the counterattacking style Mourinho employs now.)

“And yet, right now, looking at United, I have to conclude Mourinho is not being criticized while it’s far more boring football.”